Oh, yeah, I have some regrets about my life. Don’t we all. But I’m not thinking about anything of that magnitude. This morning I simply regret not being anonymous on this blog. I’ve written about a hundred or more pieces, but I can’t publish many of them. They would be too raw. Not for me but for some others close to me. About the only one who wouldn’t miss a beat is my husband. He is cool with a lot of stuff, and in fact, he is the one who has encouraged me to write and to be fearless about it. But as for the others, I wouldn’t be impugning anyone. It would just provoke too many questions from family and some close friends when I just want to write and let it fall where it may without questions. Is that even possible? Even with the most damaging questions that will remain unspoken?
I know it’s not entirely possible. I am writing for someone to read it and be affected by it, so it’s not fair to ask my family and friends to just check their wondering. I suppose I could just treat questions like I sometimes do the phone — because it rings doesn’t mean I have to answer it. Yeah, I know that sounds selfish. Yeah, I know it may leave a bad taste in someone’s mouth that I said that. Yeah, I know. I know.
Well, I guess I just wasn’t as smart as some other bloggers who are anonymous, but then someone speaking his mind anonymously just rings of cowardice. A word comes to mind. But is it cowardice? Maybe not. Maybe sometimes it really is discretion, and I’m finding that out the hard way. Or am I just a coward? I don’t know. Then there is the Lord. I do want to honor Him because He deserves it. That simple. But what would be dishonoring?
For someone like me who is not a natural writer, this is tough. Oh, I’m thinking about it, and I’ll continue. My gosh I’ve spent so much of my life pondering every cussed thing.
Time to go to the Lord. Thankfully, He really does know and will have my answer, and Hallelujah! He always answers even if I don’t like what He says at the time.